So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, goodbye. Adieu, adieu, to you and you and you.

Well I'm off to the MTC tomorrow. I can't believe how fast time flies. Just 3 months and one week ago I was opening my call, and now I will be walking into the MTC just about 24 hours after this post. I'm ready to go. My emotions over the last three months have gone from disbelief to terrible fear to complete comfort to excitement to impatience. I'm ready to go already! If you want to write me my address is on Facebook. And if we aren't Facebook friends then...well I'm sorry. Maybe you should join the 21st century :).

My Dad is arriving this afternoon and I will be set apart tonight. Then I go in tomorrow at noon. They have changed procedure so families don't get to go inside anymore, just drop their kid off at the curb. My dad suggested a slow drive-by and throwing me out, but I think I convinced him to actually stop and turn off the car. I won't be able to blog while I'm gone, but maybe I will have a friend post my forwarded emails from my dad. Haven't decided on that yet. So goodbye blogging world (for now). Good luck, and you will hear from me soon. If 18 months is soon.

The perks of being involved in social work

This is my last week of work and I thought I would do a little tribute post to my jobs :).

I am not a social worker, but I work in jobs that cater to people with pretty serious problems. Sometimes the best way to make it through is to laugh. Most of the situations I come in contact with are so bizarre that I find them incredibly hilarious. This of course doesn't include when a woman is telling you the details of her recent abusive relationship, or when kids hate their parents so much they won't even talk to them. Some other situations though help you make it through those hard times. When they are so ridiculous they are just funny. Such as...

That time a girl got high one night I was working at the shelter, and she made her potato pot pipe RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. She told me it was how she made cheese filled potatoes. I don't know anything about drugs, so even though I found it very strange that she was hollowing out a potato with a broken pen, I brushed it off because I had a lot of stuff to do. When I found out later I was livid about the whole thing. It happened a while ago though, so now I can laugh.

Or the fact that I can now find people I have worked with on the Utah County Inmate Search.

Or the night that I locked the keys in the bathroom and the door to the front office was locked, so I had to jump the back fence, go around front, let myself in with the phone, and find the extra keys to get into the bathroom.

Or the time that I was called a Nazi and told that I was horrible in the same day.

Or the time that I chased a kid around the block for 45 minutes when he wanted to run away from home, and we got a ride back in a police officer's car.

Or the time I was interviewing a little girl and asked her if anything (about her visit) made her feel uncomfortable. She asked what that meant and I said scared or sad. Then in her adorable high pitched voice she said "um....sometimes....I have bad dreams." I asked her what the dreams were about and she said "ghosts."

Or the time that I was on a visit and got bit by a snake. The kids were catching them down by the river and one of them offered to let me hold it.

Or the time we thought there was a prowler and I called the police in the middle of the night.

Or the time on a visit that we went to a house that a man kept just for his cats to live in.

Or the time I went on a visit and won a free pie at Village Inn.

Or the time I was mistaken as the wife of one of the dads I was supervising.

Or the time.... Well, let's just say I've got some good stories. It has been fun and I will miss my jobs, but I am happy to move on :).

Oink oink

My internet hasn’t been working lately which is really frustrating. And this time it isn’t my hook-up or my cord or our Internet provider. It is actually the little hole in my computer (that is the most official name I can come up with) where you plug in the cable. I think the hardware is messed up. I don’t know if I will ever get it to work. It is very rare that I can position the cord correctly enough (and hold it there with as much pressure as I can muster the whole time) in order for the Internet to function So, until I have wireless (which I don’t at this apartment) I don’t think I will be online very often. All of my attempts to reduce Internet usage have failed. Now I don’t have much of a choice, and I will soon realize how little I actually need to use the Internet. Or how dependent I am on it (communication, banking, research, news, etc.). So if you need to get in touch with me it may actually be more effective to call rather than email (gasp! I can’t go without email!).

On an entirely unrelated note, I have a new phrase that I love:

“I would rather have swine flu than…”

Then you just insert your favorite despised activity. For example: “I would rather have swine flu than write this paper.” “I would rather have swine flu than go to work.” “I would rather have swine flu than listen to her for another minute.” Now I understand when swine flu touches you personally (you get it, a friend or family member has it, and so on) it isn’t as funny. At this point though it hasn’t penetrated my personal sphere. I do however have a friend whose roommate has it, but I just find that funny because I don’t know her roommate so it hasn’t quite been humanized.

It is a thin line you walk when joking about serious things (read as: stuff people die of). I remember once Steven Colbert making a joke about the 1906 San Francisco fire. Instead of laughing the audience groaned in a piteous kind of “you’ve gone to far” sound. I loved his reaction. He goes; “What? To early for the San Francisco fire? Some people still sensitive about that one?”

And of course the classic Michael Scott and his comedic dreams about AIDS:

"There are certain topics that are off limits to comedians: JFK, AIDS, the Holocaust. The Lincoln assassination just recently became funny - 'I need to see this play like I need a hole in the head.' And I hope to someday live in a world where a person could tell a hilarious AIDS joke. Still one of my dreams."

So with the (assumed) support of those dear comedians I declare that we need to joke about the swine flu, and do it now!

Because honestly, I would rather have swine flu than have to take everything seriously.

Afternoon walks with a camera phone

About 8 months ago my phone broke and I had to get a new one. I got a camera phone specifically so that I could take pictures wherever I go. I always see the funniest things and want to capture them to share with the world, but never had a way to do it. I have a camera phone now, but rarely take pictures because I just forget. Today I went on a walk because I had some time to kill, and wanted to share some of the fun things I found with you.

First I went to Albertsons.... I wanted an ice-creamy treat and went to see what they had. On their ice cream aisle they had mini-Ben and Jerry ice cream pints (they weren't pints of course, just in the shape of a regular ice cream pint container, and I don't know how else to describe them). I was leaning towards getting one of those when I saw a Choco Taco.


















When I was a kid and the ice cream truck came by this was my favorite treat. I mean ice cream, fudge, waffle cone, and it is shaped like a taco!! What more could a kid ask for? I was having a hard time deciding between the Ben and Jerry's and the Choco Taco when I saw this little gem on the wrapper:













Unfortunately it was hard to get a very clear picture off the cellophane wrapper, but this is what it says "This is Not a Reduced Fat Food." That reminds me of the warning on super-hero costumes that say the cape won't make a child fly. Who thinks that if they buy a Choco Taco that it is going to be low in fat? How in the world could the picture on the front say to someone "I am reduced fat." I just thought it was funny that they had to make that statement on the wrapper. So funny in fact, that it helped me make up my mind about my ice-creamy treat. I went with the Chaco Taco.

















And it was delicious.

Another fun thing I want to share with you was from a bus stop advertisement I saw. I catch the bus occasionally from this stop, but I noticed something that was new. It was scrawled on a poster for an immigration attorney, which I think makes it even funnier:






















It says "THERE ARE SATANIST AMONG US. TRUST NO ONE." I'm glad that now I know. This walk proved very fruitful.

There is a point to this rant

I have a couple of pet peeves, one of which is poor grammar (in speech). More specifically, I have a hard time not cringing at the improper use of possessive pronouns. For instance, if you are talking about your dad to me, you would say "my dad." If you just say "dad" with the intent to use it as a name (Dad) you are using it incorrectly (unless we are related). Although it can be used as a name, in the context of the conversation it remains a title, not a name, and requires a possessive. This is just a small example though that barely scrapes the surface of my annoyances with possessives, articles, and mispronunciation.

Another one that really bothers me is lame abbreviations. Preggers or prego make me want to vomit. Presh (for precious) induces the same feelings, and so on. The big one though is "mish" (for mission) or even worse "the mish." Even if it isn't abbreviated just hearing "the mission" bothers me. I'm not trying to censure those who use these phrases or tell them not to, because every returned missionary uses them, and it is just a silly peeve of mine that I want to express. If you are talking about the mission that you served you would say "my mission." If you are referring to the actual mission (for instance the Florida Fort Lauderdale mission) you would say "the mission." The omission of my, her, his, and so on really bothers me.

I bring this up because today as I was writing an email I found myself typing "the mission" (in reference to my mission which I will be serving). I quickly backspaced and fixed it, but I couldn't believe it. I thought I would never be one of those people. Yet I am. And with this admission I hang my head in shame.

Oh that's why you got that stupid tattoo

toothpastefordinner.com

Things I love

1. warm weather
2. Earnestly Chocolate ice cream
3. Peanut Butter Cup ice cream
4. peanut butter cups
5. my new running shoes
6. pockets
7. cute clothes from Plato's closet
8. lists
9. epiphanies
10. emails
11. when I go to bed early and actually fall asleep
12. good friends
13. a good bargain
14. a good run
15. running into old friends in random places

Bird killer

As I mentioned before, one of my jobs is as a supervisor of non-custodial parents on their visits with their kids. Today I did a visit with a girl and her 7 year old son. We went to Trafalga where they played mini-golf. I can't ever participate in whatever activities the family does because I have to be paying attention to everything that happens. Interestingly enough, after living in Provo for a total of almost 7 years, I have never been to Trafalga before. No mini-golf dates for me. Anyway...as we went through the course I noticed a small speckled egg shaped thing sitting all by itself on a stump. It looked kind of like a rock or one of those Cadburry malt Easter eggs. So I picked it up and squeezed it to see what it was. Well it exploded all over my fingers. It was actually a real bird egg, and I killed the poor thing. I am a really curious person, and often touch stuff to figure it out. Some common phrases I heard from my dad when I was a kid were "look with your eyes not with your hands" and "nicht anfassen!" which means don't touch in German. Today is one of those days I should have looked with my eyes. Then again, if I hadn't squeezed it I doubt I would have figured out it was a bird egg. It was so tiny, and how often do I see bird eggs? I'm not saying it was ok though. I promise, I am not an animal killer. At least on purpose. Luckily the mom had some napkins on her. Otherwise I would have had to go through the rest of the visit with bird goo all over my hands. Bird goo which did not smell very good.

Word of the day

I had a staff meeting today and one of my bosses used the word "frenetic" several times. I have decided that I really enjoy this word as an alternative to "crazy" or "busy" or "out of control." The definition from my computer dictionary is thus:

fre-ne-tic
(adjective)
fast and energetic in a rather wild and uncontrolled way: a frenetic pace of activity.

DERIVATIVES
fre-net-i-cal-ly
(adverb)

ORIGIN late Middle English (in the sense [insane]): from Old French frenetique, via Latin from Greek phrenitikos, from phrenitis 'delirium' from phren 'mind.' Compare with frantic.

And there you have it.

Wow.

Blog: web+log

I was talking to my friend today about the "word" redonkulous. I put word in quotes because I don't think it should be called a word. Unless you always classify it as a stupid word. If the word stupid is included, then redonkulous can be considered a word. Anyway, from that we started talking about portmanteaus, because redonkulous sounds like it could be one. As far as I can tell though, it isn't. Obviously we have ridiculous in there, but where does the donk come from? I can't tell you. I wanted to share some of my favorite portmanteaus with you though, whether they be real or made up:

• Pastawesome: I have a friend who is a pasta chef at a local pizza place and we decided that she is pastawesome.
• Slogo: Logo and Slogan. Mostly because the two words mesh so well together. I can't really tell you what a slogo actually is. Oooh! I just thought of something: Plogo. A slogo for a pogo stick! How awesome am I? Pastawesome.
• Brunch: because who doesn't like brunch?
• Tigon: You can actually crossbreed a tiger and a lion. How cool is that? Same feeling about Ligers
  
• Muppet: marionette+puppet. Same as brunch: who doesn't love the Muppets?. Not to eat of course. Just the concept.
  
• Galumph: This was coined by Lewis Carrol in Through the Looking Glass. It is a combination of gallop and triumph. I just discovered this. Before I always thought it sounded like a word that would describe what it is like when you plop into a deep couch with a loud sigh after a very long day. I like that it is actually a triumphant word.
• Mockumentary: if you don't laugh at The Office...well you may have to check your pulse. Because it is pastawesome.
  

Not my favorite. But still favorite.

• Grapple: I heard about grapples from a friend who heard about them on his mission. For the longest time I tried to imagine how exactly a combination of a grape and an apple would look or taste like. A very large grape? A small apple flavored grape? I just couldn't figure it out. It sounded amazing though. It was a sad day when I found out that a grapple is just an apple bathed in grape juice so that it has a grapey taste to it. No cross-breeding here. No apple-sized grapes either. Dang.
  
• Metrosexual: I thought this was pretty clever when it first came into common use. It kind of lost portmanteau credibility though when people started shortening it to metro.
• Bisquick: Biscuit+quick. I like the idea of Bisquick, but it never seems to work out for me--as far as making things with it and having them taste good. Oh, interesting story about Bisquick: did you know that you are supposed to refrigerate it after opening? I didn't until one day I noticed that there were weevils in my food cupboard. Yeah, pretty sick. As I pulled out all of my food bit by bit to see what I could save and what I had to throw away I found the source: my Bisquick!! Apparently the weevil is a common pest with stored grains (think flour).
  

Some portmanteaus that make me want to vomit? Many of these have been created by celebrity tabloids:

• Brangelina: Brad Pitt+Angelina Jolie
  
• Benifer: Ben Affleck+Jennifer Lopez
  
• Celebutante: people famous for being famous.
  
• Celebutot or celebuspawn: babies famous for being babies of famous people.
  
• any addition of -gate to something in politics. Yes, Watergate was a famous scandal, but can we come up with some original names? I mean seriously: Monicagate?
• Chillax: No I will not "chill-ax."
  
• Emoticon: this may just have to do with my dislike for emoticons in general. I admit though that I am occasioned to use a smiley when chatting or emailing :)
• Guesstimate: Either guess or estimate. You can't do both.

Interestingly enough, a portmanteau is a portmanteau in itself. For those of you who didn't read the Wikipedia article (another portmanteau! wiki+encyclopedia) I linked to, here is an interesting fact:

"The original meaning of the word 'portmanteau' is a form of suitcase containing two separated hinged compartments; thus: two distinct words, packed as one. The word 'portmanteau' is itself a 'portmanteau word', deriving from the French compound "porte-manteau" consisting of the conjugated word porter (to hang) and the word manteau (coat), meaning a coat hanger."